His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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