he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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