I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
