Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
