The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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