I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
