Your mouth is God's brothel.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
