dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
