No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
