I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
