Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
