Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
