my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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