I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
