i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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