so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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