who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
