I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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