Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
im on a boat
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