I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
