i don't like sucking hair
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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