I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
