Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
