hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
