Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
