Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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