Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You have to summon your inner elephant
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I AM VODKA MAN
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
