Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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