You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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