Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
