before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
