The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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