I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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