How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
