Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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