Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
