i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I won the penis lottery.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
