hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
