she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
