i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
