and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
White coat. Heels.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
