So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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