Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
