I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
