This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
