i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
farters have to be the big spoon...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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