I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
