i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
we're so committed to being not committed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
