Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is my gift to your gina
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
