As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
