the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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