I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
