I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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